I read The Family First Entrepreneur by Steve Chou earlier this year after hearing him speak at a conference. If you’re interested, check out my full book review here. I consume a lot of content—whether it’s books or multiple podcasts a day—but not everything I come across sticks with me the way Steve’s message did. His overarching message is that you can be successful even if you prioritize your family, one that strikes a chord with me for obvious reasons. However, one concept in particular has changed how I think about balancing my life and career- the 4-Burner Theory.
As I entered a new season of life, welcoming my third baby over the summer, I felt a shift in my burners and began reflecting on what I wanted and how to get there.
The Concept of 4 Burners
If you’ve never heard of the 4-Burner Theory, it offers a simple yet powerful metaphor for understanding the competing priorities in life. Imagine your life as a stove with four burners, each representing a critical area: family, work, health, and relationships (friends). The Theory suggests that in order to succeed in one area, you have to turn down the heat on another.
In Steve Chou’s book, he says no more than three burners should be going at once at any given time. Attempting to manage all four means spreading yourself too thin, which can lead to mediocrity or burnout. He takes it one step further by stating that if you want to truly excel, you can only afford to have two burners turned up. This means that for entrepreneurs or individuals who wish to reach a high level of success, sacrifices will inevitably need to be made. The art is in managing which burners are on at full strength and which you can turn down, prioritizing what matters most during different seasons of your life.
The struggle
To be honest, when I first heard him speak on this Theory at the conference, a part of me wrestled with the idea because, deep down, I believed I could do it all. Saying “yes” to everything has always been my Achilles’ heel. I thrive in chaos. I enjoy having multiple projects at once, filling my plate with new deals, opportunities, and ideas. I’m used to stretching my time and energy across various commitments. It’s the classic case of wanting to dabble in everything at once—what those closest to me call my struggle with shiny object syndrome.
But here’s the hard truth I’ve faced: the more projects I start, the fewer I finish. The more I spread myself thin, the harder it becomes to make meaningful progress in any one area. This reality has become clearer as I’ve grown in my real estate and business journey. I’ve begun to understand that success doesn’t come from doing everything but from doing the right things well. It’s a lesson that stings for someone who craves variety and thrives on momentum, but it’s an essential one.
This realization has confirmed for me that mastering “burner management” is going to be critical in my life moving forward, particularly now after the birth of my third child. With this new chapter in my life, finding that balance feels challenging and necessary, as every burner competes for its share of my time and energy.
Burners Before Baby
When I decided to have a third child, I knew it would shake up our world a bit. It was a risk I willingly embraced because one of my greatest callings in life is to be a mom. However, before this major life event, my burners were functioning well, and I felt a sense of balance across various areas of my life and career. I was thriving in multiple spaces, both personally and professionally.
Work
As a Lead PA in urgent care, my work burner was often turned up to full heat. I’ve always been passionate about my medical career, constantly pushing myself to grow and lead. But I’ve also dedicated significant energy to my entrepreneurial ventures, including running this blog and diving into real estate projects. These endeavors kept my work burner bright, demanding much of my focus and time.
Family
Yet, despite this career focus, I’ve always kept the family burner strong. Being present for my two kids and family has always been a priority, even when work gets hectic. Family life brought balance to my day-to-day and grounded me in a different type of chaos than entrepreneurial pursuits.
Health
My third burner has stayed my health burner. This is much more of a juggling act than I wish, but I still tried to carve out time for myself—going to the gym, eating well, getting a round of pickup basketball in, or prioritizing sleep. This area very much ebbed and flowed. There were stretches that I was doing great, and others when it took a backseat to the rest of the tasks on my plate.
Relationships
Finally, my social life was the burner that has stayed on low. While I would make time for friendships and social activities when possible, work or family generally came first.
Before the arrival of my third child, this setup felt manageable. I wasn’t perfect, but I was finding a rhythm in balancing career, family, and personal goals. I felt in control, even if certain areas occasionally had to be dialed down.
Shifts after the Baby
Family
The birth of my third child turned everything upside down in the most beautiful and challenging way possible. The family burner became an undeniable priority overnight, demanding more attention than I had ever anticipated. With a newborn in the house, my daily rhythm changed drastically, and I found myself adjusting the other burners out of sheer necessity. Although a newborn is no match for a toddler in attitude, newborns come with a lot of new daily tasks. We had bottles to feed/wash, more laundry, and a new schedule to manage.
Work
I had planned for this. I knew that work, which had been burning brightly for so long, would need to be dialed down. Of course, I had arranged for a maternity leave that allowed for minimal shift work, focusing primarily on managerial tasks from home. I was fortunate to have the opportunity to step away from the clinic to focus on my recovery and my growing family. One of the privileges of working for someone else is taking that time off without the weight of the entire operation resting on my shoulders.
However, my real estate business wasn’t something I could just press pause on. Real estate doesn’t take a break, and neither do the responsibilities that come with it. Even though I had just given birth, deals were still in motion, and decisions still needed to be made. I did my best to delegate where I could, offloading some tasks to trusted friends and colleagues with whom I’ve done business before. But the reality is that some things inevitably fell through the cracks. Some tasks were postponed, while others were dropped altogether. There simply wasn’t enough of me to go around, which was a hard pill to swallow.
Health
My health burner was almost completely extinguished while I navigated the early stages of postpartum recovery – dealing with the exhaustion of newborn sleep deprivation and the impossibility of finding a single moment to myself in those early weeks. Self-care became a distant thought, and the focus was just on surviving each day.
Relationships
My social burner burned out just like the health burner. Friendships, which had already taken a backseat, were now reduced to short texts and the occasional check-in. Gone were the lunches, coffee dates, and meaningful catch-ups. In the whirlwind of adjusting to life with a newborn, there just wasn’t space for maintaining a vibrant social life.
In those early newborn days, almost every ounce of my energy was directed toward family. It was exactly what I expected, but the intensity caught me off guard. The new dynamics of our family needed to be molded, and every waking moment was dedicated to caring for the baby and finding our new groove. Whatever energy was left after that went straight into keeping my business afloat and staying connected to my work responsibilities.
The Fluidity of Burners
Looking back, I see how much my burners have shifted recently and over the years. When I first started my career, work was my primary focus. Then, as a new mom, my family naturally took the lead. Later, when I ventured into real estate and transitioned to a new position in my professional life, work retook the lead. Now, with three kids and a thriving professional life, the balance has shifted once more. This fluidity feels natural because the burners we focus on evolve with where we are in life. Sometimes, work demands more attention; other times, it’s family or personal well-being.
My constant Burners
For me, the constants—the non-negotiables—are family and work. I have big dreams and ambitious plans, and pursuing them will require sacrifice. But my family is not something I’m willing to sacrifice. I’ll find ways to balance the other two burners. My health, while important to my overall well-being, doesn’t need to be at its peak like it was during my college basketball days. I’ve accepted that I don’t have to be in perfect shape to stay healthy. As for friendships, I’ve come to terms with the fact that this isn’t the season for week-long getaways with friends, and I’m okay with that. I know that burner will have its time again when the moment is right.
I’ve realized that I can’t have all four burners going at full strength without risking burnout. The key for me is focusing on my long-term goals and adjusting the burners to align with those priorities. There’s real power in knowing when to turn one burner up and dial others down. I’m sure there will be more shifts ahead. My kids are young, and they’ll always be my priority, but as they grow older, they’ll need less of my time. I also hope my business will eventually run smoothly without requiring my constant focus. When it comes to my professional career, I can’t imagine a time when I won’t want to practice clinically in some capacity. Still, I do anticipate that my work burner will evolve as well.
Embracing the Shift
In this current phase, I’ve learned to embrace the shift in priorities. Right now, family takes precedence, and I’ve come to terms with that. I’ve let go of the expectation that I must operate at full capacity in every area of my life—it’s simply impossible. I can’t be at peak productivity at work, nor can I expect to hit the gym five days a week or dominate on the basketball court. And that’s perfectly okay.
What matters most to me now are the things that truly count—attending my kids’ t-ball games and martial arts practices and being present for the little but meaningful moments. These are the memories I want to cherish, not look back on as a blur. Missing these moments isn’t something I’m willing to regret.
What has brought me a sense of peace is the understanding that life ebbs and flows. Burners shift and change over time, and that’s the natural course of things. Instead of feeling pressure to keep all the burners blazing, I’ve learned it’s about being mindful of where my energy is most needed and when it’s time to turn one burner down to allow another to thrive. It’s not about achieving perfect balance but about making intentional choices based on the season I’m in.
Letting go of the need to do it all has been liberating. By focusing on what truly matters—family and the precious moments that come with it—I’ve found more fulfillment than trying to keep every area of my life running at full speed.
Looking Ahead
Work
As I settle into life with three children, I know this won’t be the last time my burners shift. Life is dynamic, and as our family of five finds its rhythm, I can already feel the work burner slowly heating back up. We have a major event at work this month, and I’m gearing the clinics for the busy winter season just around the corner. These work commitments are pulling my attention back to my professional life, and I’m ready to re-engage.
Exciting developments are also in motion on the real estate front. There are a few big commercial real estate opportunities in the pipeline that I’m eager to explore, and we’re nearing the completion of our second flip. This project has been both challenging and rewarding. As much as family has been my focus, I feel the drive to pursue these career and business opportunities reigniting.
Health
Looking ahead, I also know that my health needs to come back into focus. As I settle into these new routines, I’m committed to being more intentional about making time for my physical and mental well-being. Whether that means finding moments to exercise, rest, or care for myself, I recognize that my health burner has taken a backseat and needs some attention.
Conclusion
My key realization has been that these shifts are temporary and cyclical. There will be times when certain burners need more energy and times when they can be dialed back within the same week. It’s freeing and liberating not to feel guilty of this. I am at peace knowing I don’t have to/ and can’t keep everything running at full sleep all the time. And that’s okay.
I hope my experiences resonate with others in similar seasons of life. Whether you find it challenging to balance your priorities or you’re exploring the fluidity of your own burners, understanding that each will have its time can offer profound peace and perspective. This acceptance allows us to let our burners be what they need to be. Every burner will get its time.
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